O for a closer walk with God

‘O for a closer walk with God, a calm and heavenly frame.’
This is what we all hope for isn’t it… but however much we long for a closer walk with God, which brings a deep sense of calm and serenity to our life, I think Cowper’s words (which we just heard sung so beautifully by the choir) are perhaps more an aspiration than a reality for most of us, at least some of the time!
That was also true for Cowper himself who was, rather unfairly, known to his contemporaries as ‘mad Cowper’ due to his fits of rage and depression, coupled with an occasional conviction that he was destined for hell which came and went with his mood swings. Living in the 1700’s, little was understood of mental health then, or its interplay with religious piety, and it sounds as though Cowper was perhaps rather harsh on himself, if his earnest and striving poetry is anything to go by.
However, it is his longing to give up everything in the search for true rest and peace for his soul, which ultimately keeps him oriented towards God throughout all his struggles, and gives him a vision of heaven on earth which speaks to many of our own deepest longings too.
When we imagine a Christian, we perhaps don’t typically imagine someone like Cowper – who has big emotions and wrestles with life – and we tend instead to picture a saintly character with all their flaws and troubles neatly ironed out. I have occasionally met those kind of Christians; who glow with holiness and calm… but most of us, are not them – and probably won’t achieve that kind of serenity this side of the veil; however much value we see in it.
In fact, when we look at the stories of other people’s walk with God through Scripture, we see a whole range of characters, personalities and spiritualities on display. Even Peter, the one on whom Christ built his Church, cracked under pressure, cut off someone’s ear, freaked out, ran away and pretended he didn’t know Jesus when it really mattered. 
Few of us can claim quite such a dramatic path but in my own walk with God, I identify strongly with the prophet Jeremiah who we heard from in our first reading… at times reluctant, recalcitrant, and always finding excuses why he’s not up to the job. Although I do hope that my walk with God is characterised less of a prophet of doom than poor Jeremiah’s was.
We are all a ‘mixed bag’ and our journey of faith is rarely a walk in the park. For most of us it is more like a hike through challenging tundra that includes everything from still waters and beautiful scenery to the valley of death and threat of ambush at any moment.
God never promised life would be easy – we have far too much free will for that to be the case…. But he did promise he would be with us to guide us on our journey, and help us to navigate its ups and downs, twist and turns, joys and challenges.
Our walk with God is, just that, a walk WITH God.
Not a walk alone, but a walk with a friend – someone who we are in relationship with. And all healthy relationships are dynamic; they involve conversation and negotiation, vulnerability, and trust, but they come with the promise that, as true friends, you will stick by one another and be there to lend an arm when the need arises.
Our walk with God may include disagreements and difference of opinion, and at sometimes it might feel that we are closer and at others, further apart… but the critical thing is, that we walk this road together, just as Jesus walked the road to Emmaus with his disciples in his resurrection life. 
Do we want a closer walk with God? Of course we do... but perhaps this lies less in our striving for it, or trying to bend our personalities towards sainthood as we imagine it. 
Perhaps, sometimes a closer walk is simply about plodding on; trusting we are not alone and that God’s relationship with us is dependent only upon his unending, unconditional love for us, not on anything we try to do to win his favour.
If we believe this, then perhaps like those disciples on the Emmaus road, we too will discover that God was actually walking close with us all along - just as he always promised he would be. Amen.